baby blues

I sometimes wonder what it would be like if I didn't get hitched so soon, what it would be like if I was still single. I really do, but not with a hint whatsoever of regret or bitterness, just plain curiosity. See, my life has been reprogrammed ever since I became Mrs. Maligtas (the surname's not nice, I know, but the guy is!). It's like the new me overwrote my past "me" file in a snap. A few years back, all I care about was me and what I wanted. Now, it's about buying what Skye wanted, when to make him stand in the corner, or teaching him his abc's and 123's.

Yesterday, we agreed upon watching a movie after our grand evaluation which our class hosted. It only stole around 3 hours of our precious time, but damn! I feel so guilty having to go out without my kid. Gene told me it was just right for us to have a little time for ourselves (gene is my classmate and a fellow young mom whose hubby is also out of the country). Nevertheless, I felt incomplete. It was like playing hooky from my mom when I was still a teen or something. I did enjoy the movie and going out with my friends, what I didn't enjoy was the sinking feeling afterwards. It made me wonder if that made me a bad mom.

I reasoned with the fact that the past Sunday was a pure Skye day. Maybe one day for myself after all these four years is not bad. I so deserve it, right?

But then, I began to like what I felt. It dawned on me that I was at last being responsible. It made me realize the gravity of the power that has been bestowed upon me ever since I got married. I remember what I said during that emotional time when I gave birth - that finally Mick and I have someone to finally call our own, someone nobody can ever deny was purely ours and cannot be taken away (I don't know if being that emotional was due to the hormones).

I don't have to punish myself for that one "me" day. In fact, it showed me right on my face how I like it to be a mom. I am so lucky I almost have everything I wanted. It just needs a brain to figure out that you might have everything you wished for too.

As I am typing this, Skye is making a monkey bar out of my arms and messing with the keyboard, and Mick is constantly in my mind wondering about how he is, but I'm glad I have them to think about.

I'm already married and raising a family, but look! I'm not complaining and never will be because this made me the better person I am today. It is happiness at it's finest.

This post is dedicated to my fellow new moms (or those with new additions):
- my sis- in- law Ate Let who gave birth to Regin Andrei last August
- my "kumare" Jem who gave birth to Matthew Zachary last October 7 in San Diego, CA
click to see Jem and baby Matthew
- my cousin-in-law Marge who gave birth to Jean Louis last October 10
- my aunt Alma who will be giving birth to "garutay" this November